readers
My dear Cali friend nominated me for this "Honest Scrap" award. According to De Ann (or now, may I call you Tootie since you've finally proclaimed it to the world?) I must list 10 random facts about myself. Then another dear blog reader, Maureen, gave me the Fabulous Sugar Doll Blogger Award which coincidentally means I must list 10 random facts about myself. I'm very random, but I'm not very good about making lists like this, so I will let myself cheat and fulfill both obligations with one list. :)
1. My wardrobe has grown increasingly brown and black. It was a recent discovery, and yes, it's random. I still have a complete rainbow in my closet just because of my insane amassment of clothing in there, but I keep going for the brown or the black every time I go shopping, every day when I get dressed. And this is not a new randomosity - I'd say the past year, maybe? And plus, it makes just-the-right earrings and no-one-but-Amanda-would-wear-that necklaces way more fabulous.
2. I'm glued to my pink Coach datebook. I live by that thing. It may or may not be in my iPhone, but it will always be in the datebook. If someone were to take it, I'd feel lost and probably go into a panic attack. Knowing my recent luck, that said panic attack would probably end me in the psych ward. Not even kidding.
3. My dog is my human daughter and if I had more time, I'd have a few more. My goal is eventually to graduate to human procreation, but at the moment, nannying is enough kids for my life.
4. If I find a cute top or pair of jeans that fit just right or adorable, must-have shoes, I will buy it in all the colors I can fit into my wardwrobe. It's pathetic, really. I feel like Doug -remember that Nickelodeon cartoon where the kid wore the same outfit every. single. day. Ha! Case in point: Old Navy fold-over yoga pants (2 pairs black, 1 pair black capri), cute heel boots (black and brown), favorite Coach bag (black and brown), my favorite t-shirts (I'd say about 5 different tops with 2 to 4 colors of each)
5. I love my Pandora bracelet. I didn't even know what they were until a few months ago, and then it was what I wanted most for Christmas. Well, I got one, and have two spacers and the following beads: a heart from Jonathan, a dangle cross from my sister, a pink stone from Grandma, and my Nana's birthstone (and mine - we're both born in August) that I bought with the money Poppop gave me for Christmas (in her memory of course) There's so many more charms I'd love to add, but what's so special if there is no story behind each charm? Going to Jared and stocking my bracelet would be fun, but it would make the bracelet meaningless. Plus, I love how the beads slide all around now. It wouldn't do it if it was full! :)
6. I am, after 5 1/2 years, single again. It's surprising how fast I've reverted back to my ways of not shaving my legs, doing whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it, and drooling over any man-candy I may encounter. I'm unabashedly single and hoping I'll soon love it as much as I used to.... before things got so complicated and I fell head-over-heels in love. I'm a single adult for the first time in my life, and I find it liberating sometimes. There's a few things I want to do before I settle down again, and I think that's awesome.
7. I love giving stuff away or even selling stuff. I find some hidden joy in finding someone on Freecycle or Craigslist or eBay who really want my used whatevers. I give all my old accessories to my friends and cousin, too. I'm doing some massive cleaning out lately, and I have been doing all of the above plus filling a huge box for our church yard sale which is like 6 months away. Purging feels so good. I don't know how people can hoard stuff unless of course, they're simply too busy to clean it out. That would be a problem.
8. I had to hit rock bottom and lose all but my very life before I realized how much God loved me and keeps His hand on my life... despite myself. Despite ourselves, He is watching over us.
9. I love to buy cards and gifts for people. I love wrapping presents and curling the ribbon. I love tying on pretty tags and finding just the right card. :)
10. I always bite off more than I can chew. Any project I seem interested in, I dive right in, give 200%, and usually find out I'm too busy for it after all or just get bored with it. I take "live life with passion" a little too literally. I also think I can do anything until I realize I can't. Now, I can do many things, and I believe anyone can do anything they set their mind to, but that's completely not the point on this one. Case in point? If you'll hem my pants, why do I need to waste all that frustration of trying to do it myself? For less than an hour's work pay, I can get my car washed at the gas station with the extra nice soap and special clean whatever? I will not wash my own car, waste 2 precious hours, get soaking wet, and earn myself an evening on the heating pad with a muscle relaxer. How about food? If my mom is home, she can make whatever I want better and faster, and everyone has curb-side take out now, so learning to cook? Nah, no point. And along the same lines, I really do think I have more hobbies, or attempted hobbies, than any sane person should have... and probably less time for hobbies than most people have.
My duty, again according to Tootie, in accepting this honest scrap award is that I must award it to seven other blogs. Maureen passed it onto three. So I have no idea. I'm going to now cheat a second time in one post and say this: If you want, just post it on your blog and link back. How's that? Twitter friends, blog reader friends, whoever you are... I think you all rock. And if you're extra busy like me, just go on with your life. But I have fulfilled my honors and obligations and will now go do my Nursing Research homework and think about who I can bribe to paint my bathroom brown. All before a 2 year old and 5 month old wake up from their naps.
Love to you all!
I love each and every one of you, my readers. In particular, a few have really taken the time to make my day lately and a few of you were sneaky enough to leave no way of reaching you. So please, wherever you are, I hope you find this post and realize how you've touched my heart. I don't take any of my readers - visible or invisible - for granted. Thank you for sharing your hopes, dreams, stories, jokes, links, and experiences. You are precious.
To "Mon B", my "lurker" :) ...
Hey Amanda, this is a totally random comment, but I came across your blog in the same fashion (totally random). I’ve been reading your entries off and on for over a year now and just wanted to tell you that even though we don’t know each other, you’ve been such an encouragement! I started nursing school this past August and there have been many, many time that I wanted to quit but during a few of those times, I’d come across one of your posts and your passion/desire (which is obviously evident in these entries!) has helped push me along too.I hope the most amazingly best for you and pray that God would continue to use you to be a light to those around you (even in the virtual world :P), that He would strengthen you and heal you physically, that He would continue to instill your passion for nursing and your passion to change the world.
Thanks for being transparent, and thanks for being real. You seem like such an amazing individual and I know you probably leave a lasting impression on the lives of people around you. :)
When I was in Disney, we rode the Jungle Cruise ride, and I posted the video on YouTube. Apparently our guide, Sara's, mom found it, found my blog, and posted a sweet hello. She has a pretty cool daughter. ;-)
To Kristina, my longtime blogger/etsy friend... She's always here through thick and thin. I love you, friend. Thank you for this:
Amanda,
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank YOU for sharing. Now, that you are one of the strongest and most inspiring people I’ve ever met :)
To Jenn, who always has a sweet word and a Scripture for me. God put you in my life.
To Jonathan, my dear fiance, who is trying so hard to learn how to post comments. ;-)
To Heather, for the funnies, for being a pal, for being my cousin.
To my sister, who needs to learn how to drop by and say hello.
Those who have contacted me on Flickr, Twitter, here, email, whatever... saying you or a family member are inspired by my healthcare battles. Saying my posts make your day. Just saying hi. There's nothing like feeling so weak and then seeing how someone out there is gaining strength from your dark, messy parts. Nothing like it. A little light coming from the pitch dark. Amazing.
So thank you for reading. Please keep your stories coming. They touch my heart.
Is anybody out there, does anybody see, that when the lights are off, somethings killing me? It may seem I have everything, but everything means nothing when the ride you're on leaves you feeling lost. Not ashamed to see me crawl, who's going to catch me when I fall? (ashlee simpson)
As an arguably random start, I want to tell you that my car wreck in September, 2007 was caused by a girl running her car into the back of mine. I was stopped at a light and literally watched her hit me at full speed.
Yesterday while I was driving Baby Itty Bitty to pick up Big Itty Bitty from school, the car in front of me signaled and braked to turn right. I, of course, slowed to a stop behind him and intuitively looked into my rearview mirror. The truck behind me was not stopping. All in the matter of a second or two, I watched him swerve and brake, barely missing my car. Normally, that would shake me up for hours. Yet yesterday, for some reason, it was as if I couldn't have cared less. I did not even freeze in fear or feel my heart race. In all honesty, I was almost to the point of hoping he would hit me ... I almost hoped he would.
Until I remembered the sweet 4-month old little soul sleeping right behind me.
Then inside my head, I yelled at myself.
For selfishly forgetting the precious life I held in my hands.
For not minding whether or not I got into a car wreck.
For being so unaffected by a terrifying scenario that at any other time would shake me senseless.
For becoming as miserably lethargic as I have been during the past couple of months.
For wanting to die...
Yet in my heart I am - through all of this - somehow still grateful that an invisible hand of my God is keeping me here even when I don't feel like staying around.
I'm also thankful that He sends signs of His presence when I need them the most.
I'd like to publicly thank God for sending an extra special blessing to me last night through one of my beautiful readers. I'd like to personally thank a friend I've never met before, by the name of Lisa (blogging at Prisoner of Hope - please go read her story and pray for her daughter). I doubt she knows even half of the extent, but she let God use her in an amazing, great way last night just by sharing a few words in a comment on my "All But My Life" post...
Bless you, precious girl. Pardon my interruption, but I have been led to leave you some encouragement. I try to keep up with your blog because 1) I am a nursing student (although a very old one, lol. I will graduate this June, LORD willing and 2) I have a 15 year-old daughter who has been struggling with a very serious health issue for the past 4.5 years and she is really struggling emotionally as well as physically. So I read your blog and am amazed at how well you have coped with your lot and pray that my daughter will one day also encourage others with her life story.
God gave me a verse recently, Romans 12:12: "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." The enemy wants to steal our hope. There is a song by Andy Park, Yet I Will Praise, that means so much to me when I feel myself losing hope.
I will praise you Lord my God, even in my brokeness I will praise you Lord.
I will praise you Lord my God, even in my desperation, I will praise you Lord.
And I can't understand all that you allow, I just can't see the reason
But my life is in Your hands, and though I cannot see You, I choose to trust you.
Even when my heart is torn, I will praise you Lord,
Even when I feel deserted, I will praise you Lord,
Even in the darkest valley, I will praise you Lord,
When my world is shattered, and it seems all hope is gone,
Yet I will praise You Lord.
Amanda, The LORD loves you so much and has amazing plans for your future. Be encouraged! You are an overcomer.
Thank you for being so candid. I do pray for you!
Blessings, lisa k.
Isn't God good?
His hand is on the life of each and every one of us. Even when we hurt. Even when we forget how to be ourselves, how to persevere, how to get up in the morning.
Yes, I am at my wits end, but the more I hang on in this same, scary place? The more I realize that this is where His strength is the strongest, the most meaningful, and the most merciful.
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