holidays
Reflecting...
Just continuing the tradition...
1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Got dumped.
2. What are your New Years Resolutions?
To try harder when it matters, to forget about it when it doesn't
3. Did anyone close to you give birth in 2009?
Mom of my nanny girl, now my nanny GIRLS :)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My Nana - just a few months after I told her she needed to live long enough to see her great-grandbabies
5. What countries did you visit?
Stayed here. Too busy with school to go anywhere but Disney in May and Florida earlier in the spring to go through Nana's things
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
My fiance to be my husband
7. What date(s) in 2009 will remain etched in your memory and why?
The day my Nana died. Also the night I had the nervous breakdown where my mom cried on my bed with me until my fiance left his prescheduled event to come hold me. Taking my baby sister to see Taylor Swift - floor seats!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Completing an entire semester of clinicals (fall) and standing up to a ridiculous professor, being a nanny
9. What was your biggest failure of 2009?
Not pushing myself to take clinicals in the spring
10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
The exact same illnesses, thank God no new injuries. Definitely a few more panic attacks and nervous breakdowns than last year though.
11. What was the best thing someone bought you?
A Pandora bracelet with charms & a book of my blog
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Every/Anyone who gets out of the bed in the morning and gives the day their best effort
13. Whose behavior appalled and depressed you?
Someone I definitely didn't expect and ironically, one of his/her relatives
14. Where did most of your money go?
Expensive indulgences like my new TV/blu-ray, new Pottery Barn bedding, tons of pedicures, sponsoring Julenia in Nicaragua
15. What did you get really, really excited about?
Going to Disney World! (We'd been there 20-30 times before, but my sister (19) and I (21) year old run around the parks like we had never in a million years imagined it would ever be so magical! Ahh, Disney.
16. What song(s) reminds you of 2009?
I hate to say it, but I didn't lisent to too much music this year, I still had my "Song kicks" where I'd listen to a song over and over until I got sick of it, but nothing that stands out in my mind.
17. Compared to last year are you...
a.) Happier or Sadder? Sadder
b.) Thinner or Fatter? Fatter (but last year I lost an insane amount of weight from a medication, so it's a "good" fatter!)
c.) Richer or Poorer? Richer (but money doesn't provide happiness)
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Breathe
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Mental and emotional fighting
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my fiance and I's million sides of family
21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
More and more every day
22. How many one night stands did you have?
I belong to someone else, so that's not an option.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
Grey's Anatomy, Friday Night Lights, One Tree Hill, The Office, Private Practice...
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't this time last year?
No
25. What was the best book you read?
The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan, a memoir that will change any woman's perspective on life
26. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 22. And no idea. Babysat? Went out to dinner? I really don't remember.
27. What was your best musical discovery?
Nothing in particular. Definitely listened to too much Baby Songs, Disney and Hannah Montana!!
28. What did you want and get?
See #11
29. What was your favorite film of the year?
My Sister's Keeper, the Time Traveler's Wife
30. What did you want and not get?
Married
31. What one thing would've made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being married to Jonathan
32. How would you describe your fashion concept for 2009?
Black or brown lounge pants/capris. Loves it!
33. What kept you sane?
My mom and fiance. My best friend. Loads of Ativan. God.
34. Which celebrity or public figure did you admire most?
Sarah Palin
35. What political issue stirred you most?
Healthcare reform
36. Who/what do you miss?
My Nana and my naivety
37. Who was the best new person you met?
My OB clinical instructor
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned.
No matter how hard you try for anything, it's never enough. And at this point on my journey, I can't quite figure out why.
Another lesson is by nannying, I am reminded every single day of the precious innocence of children and the huge miracles they are.
Nursing, although I'm fighting every part of my being to get there, is an honorable lifestyle, not a simple career. At the end of the day, there's nothing like seeing you helped make a human being better or they say you gave them a good day just by your smile. Nothing like that in the world.
39. Quote a song line that defines your year.
I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
(It's a quarter past one and I'm all alone and
I need you now.
I said I wouldn't call
but I've lost all control
and I need you now) - Lady Antebellum
So that's that.
After I filled it all out, over at (InCourage), I found these 20 questions that I think I like better.
These may just be my new tradition. They're much more introspective, don't you think?.
1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
I'm 2 clinicals closer to graduating!
2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
Losing my precious Nana, ignoring my illnesses and disabilities to go back to school after my year-long hiatus, losing someone at church who always inspired me to hope and try, almost losing the person who I thought - of everyone in the entire world -would always be here forever.
3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
Finally finding a nanny family who treats me like I'm part of the family; I adore spending days with those precious girls
4. What was an unexpected obstacle?
Wrecking my car driving an hour up to clinicals - I was half asleep and some guy side-swiped me. Or something. I don't exactly remember. I ran over our brick mailbox that morning, too. It really was a bad day. But that's what you get when you force a narcoleptic to live outside her means.
5. Pick three words to describe 2009.
Hard. Surprises. Changes.
6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2009 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).
Hard. School. Nervous.
7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2009 (again, without asking).
Same. Growing. Trying.
8. What were the best books you read this year?
The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan, and My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult was pretty good too
9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
My mom, sister, fiance, best friend & nanny girls
10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
Deciding to finish school ASAP so we can get married. I don't care if it almost kills me. I now know I'm going to have to take charge of the situation and physically endanger myself to get the dream of me and the one I love. I took spring '09 off from school, so this idea has been evolving for months. I, of all people, a nurse, should know my health comes first, but I refuse to believe it when there's something so huge out there.
11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
I can handle stressful situations a little bit better using my "toolbox," but on the other hand I'm also more prone to nervous breakdowns and panic attacks for some reason. I learned to survive someone's death I previously thought would kill me, so my emotions definitely grow as I still learn to live without her.
12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
Trusting God more, talking to Him more.
13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
I learned short hair is the only way to get through nursing school and nannying and the insane life that surrounds each. But it's cute, so I'm happy. :)
14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
I'm closer with my mom, sister, fiance, and fiance's sister.
15. What was the most enjoyable area of managing your home?
Decorating!
16. What was your most challenging area of home management?
Sometimes the dogs, lol Or if I was my mom, I'd have cut off my dad's feet by now for all the times he tracks his nasty, muddy shoes ALL over the house. The hardwood gets soaked and then after he's on the carpet long enough, I guess they dry on their own. Disgusting.
17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
Worrying
18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
Working on my nursing degree, loving God, loving my fiance, loving my friends and family
19. What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?
Nothing is ever enough. Children are precious. Days are short. Fight for what matters.
20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2009 for you.
Glad it's over. And regarding 2010? I sure am praying for a better year - one with clearer paths, more evidence of an impending marriage, nearly completing my education... and maybe, just maybe, a few more good things. :)
Lord, as this New Year begins, We come to you and ask for your blessing. We pray that you would give us joy to fill our days and peace to fill our hearts and love to fill our lives. Thank you for the plans you have for us in the New Year. Thank you for promising to be with us every step of the way.
We had a bit of a stressful Christmas, but still, it was a beautiful Christmas of so much love, joy and peace. Holding onto the spirit as long as I can, enjoying Jonathan's extra days off this week. :)
Love these Christmas quotes...
Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
Hamilton Wright Mabie
It is Christmas every time you let God love others through you... yes, it is Christmas every time you smile at your brother and offer him your hand.
Mother Teresa
I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all. And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the world seemingly most indifferent. For this is still the time God chooses.
Taylor Caldwell
The best of all gifts around any christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
B Hillis
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
Luke 2.14
It's almost her first Christmas in Heaven. She feels so far away, yet somehow, so right here. Her light shines on, warm with her memory. She lives on in everything we do, yet the void still aches, the pain is almost anew. What I wouldn't give for one more minute with her.
Love your loved ones - you never know if it's their last Christmas on this side of life. Last January, she left us. Last December, we wouldn't have believed it.
Shine on us, Nana, heal our hearts with your ever present love and grace. I miss you with a void not even time could heal.
What's it like to spend Christmas at the throne of God? I wish we were there together. I wish for nothing more.
Christmas, 2006.
After Nana passed away, I kept the jacket she had just unwrapped in this picture.
I remember ordering it online at Old Navy for her. I thought it was cute. :)
Nana with my uncles & my mom
Christmas, 1992 - Disney
L Bug absolutely adores this book. We read it over and over, and I think it's just as magical for me now as it was when I was her age. I love it!
'Twas The Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"
I also feel it's vital to include one more poem, the version for our soldiers - the men away from their families tonight desperately fighting for our freedom.
Twas the night before Christmas,
He lived all alone,
In a one bedroom home made of plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney with presents to give
and to see just whom in this house did live.
I looked all about, a strange sight did I see.
No tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.
No stocking by mantle, just boots filled with sand.
On the wall hung pictures of a far distant land,
With medals and badges, awards of all kinds,
A sober thought came to my mind.
For this house was different; it was dark and dreary.
I had found the home of a soldier, once I could see,
The soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone,
Curled up on the floor in this one bedroom home.
The face was so gentle, the room in disorder,
Not how I pictured a United States soldier.
Was this the hero of whom I'd just read?
Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?
I realized the families that I saw this night,
Owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.
Soon round the world the children would play,
And grownups would celebrate a bright Christmas day.
They enjoyed freedom each month of they year
Because of the soldiers, like the one lying here.
I couldn't wonder how many lay alone,
On a cold Christmas Eve in aland far from home.
The very thought brought a tear to my eye,
I dropped to my knees and started to cry.
The soldier awakened and I heard a rough voice,
"Santa, don't cry, this is the life of my choice,
I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more,
My life is my God, my country, my corps."
The soldier rolled over and drifted to sleep,
I couldn't control it and continued to weep.
I kept watch for hours, so silent and still,
And we both shivered from the cold winter's chill.
I didn't want to leave on that cold, dark night,
The guardian of honor so willing to fight.
Then the soldier rolled over, whispered soft and pure,
"Carry on Santa, It's Christmas Day and all is secure."
One look at my watch, and I knew he was right.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!
Authors unknown. Soldier photo © 2006 Phillip Nesmith
... really? Okay.
Doesn't feel like it to me.
Each year, it feels less and less like Christmas, more like some over-hyped day that flies by... even though I know it's not.
Last Saturday began the official Christmas chaos - Christmas at Grandma's with my dad's side. Food, presents, family. We're all grown up now ... it's kind of weird. Grandpa's still gone, Grandma still loves hugs and kisses, there's still the ever-annoying aunt, and this year, my younger cousin is sick with something the doctors have been trying to diagnose since September. We're kind of in this weird phase where the cousins aren't married, no great grandkids, just the same group of people who love each other and give presents because they have to. Ahh, and the traditional endless rounds of Shanghai. It's a Goodwin tradition, and we rock it. It's such a fun thing we do together!
Sunday I wore heels and dress pants to church for probably the first time since hmm, last Christmas? Yep, because I was sick on Easter. I feel bad going to church in casual clothes, but honestly, it's the only thing you'll get me to go anywhere in. Half the time, I hurt so bad that all I want to wear is pajamas and go barefoot. Random and useless knowledge, sorry...
I've felt like crap most of this week. Liver stuff, fibro stuff, back, sleeping problems... stuff's just not working out for me. I did get all the shopping and wrapping done as of today (although I was way ahead on the shopping this year!) so that feels good. And final grades were posted today... as I knew, my GPA dropped. This semester about killed me, so I knew the grades would be bad. But I made it through, and that's what matters.
Tuesday I interviewed for a student nurse technician position. I was a student tech for a year at another hospital starting in the summer '08, but I had a lot of issues with the policies, patient care, management, etc. plus it was a strenuous job on my back, so I claimed "medical leave" and haven't worked since December '08. Since I didn't work for 6 months, they "terminated" my employment in June, but the HR nurse recruiter assured me I was eligible for rehire. Well great, seeing how I despised that hospital. Anyways, I miss it so I applied at a different hospital - a hospital system I've had 2 clinicals at and really enjoy . So we'll see.
Today was crazy. I have my girls on Wednesdays, and today Mom decided to work from home. I left the baby with her and took L Bug to "December Days at the Zoo." My friend met me up there with her 3 kiddos and another 3 she babysits, and her brother, Jonathan's best friend, came along, too. We had so much fun, but it was freezing. L Bug loves seeing animals so I wanted to make sure she had a last time to see them before summertime. We just finished pottytraining, so that's been eventful. Then for Christmas I got her a Dora tent which was a huge hit. We assembled it, and she would only "go potty" on her potty if it was in the Dora tent - her own little outhouse, crazy kid. At the zoo, after Miss Amanda went potty, she started jumping up and down and screaming, "Good JOB, Miss Amanda!!" I love my little 2 year old.
Since last night, I had been craving a pedicure, so on my way home, I was frantically searching every plaza I passed for "NAILS." (The place I usually go to is 25 minutes away, and I didn't feel like going all the way across town.) I went to the bank to deposit my pay, and on my way out, there it was - a sign -"Nail Spa"! I about flew in and had an amazing time. Trying to chill. Trying. One of these days I'll get there...
Currently, I am on the couch waiting for a muscle relaxer to kick in, hoping I get some good sleep tonight, because tomorrow begins the insanity:
Christmas Eve AM: Go see my Nana - she needs Christmas flowers on her grave. This is our first Christmas without her. Christmas Eve afternoon/early evening: My mom's side of the family comes over for a huge dinner, presents, fun, etc. Christmas Eve night: 45 minutes away to Jonathan's mom to do Christmas with her, us, Jon's sister Nicole and her boyfriend. And her yappy dog. :) 45 minutes to my house. Sleep. Jonathan drives 45 minutes back to his house. Christmas AM: Jonathan drives 45 minutes to my house, tons of presents. Too many, actually. Christmas afternoon: 45 minutes to Jonathan's Grandma's house. More Christmas. Christmas later afternoon: Drive some more, Christmas with Jonathan's dad, us, and again, Nicole and her boyfriend. Christmas PM: Special Christmas church service. Saturday: Will I make it that far?
And as crazy as this American Christmas has become, it doesn't even have a single thing to do with the real reason for Christmas. All that work, trouble, effort.... Don't get me wrong, I adore seeing loved ones and having fun with them. I love the togetherness and the traditions. I really do. But the presents and the cramming and the stress? Unnecessary. And it's so heavy and pressing.
God forbid we let it cover the real reason for this day, the birth of a Savior, a Redeemer, a man with a simple plan to save our fallen race. The birth of the Lord who came to live in this awful human world only to hang and die on a cross for us. What in the world could be so huge that it would make our busy minds pass it all by? Christmas. Not the true Christmas, but this hype of a Christmas. Don't get lost in the wrapping paper, the family, the traveling, the insanity. Let this be a time of grateful celebration, of remembrance, of peace, hope, and joy.
Think about it.
Be blessed.
My mom teaches the 7 year old class at church. She made this beautiful bulletin board.
Mom and Nikki are December girls! A few special pictures...
Mom's birthday lunch at Bravo:
Jonathan & I
Dad & Mom
Nikki & Ben
And then Nikki's birthday party at our house:
Nikki & her friend Colleen
And because December is not busy enough.... Jon & I went to see Wicked with his family:
Are we not so adorable together? :)
Oh, and we tried to give a "fresh" approach to the annual Christmas card photo by adding Santa Claus. Since Haylie has to be in the picture, the best we could do was PetSmart. Santa was either hungover, high, or just an interesting individual. We found it funny, so yes, this got sent out to 100 of our friends and family:
But this one is my favorite:
All I need, right there. I love our little family. <3
Oh, and a picture of Baby Bug. Just because she's so stinking cute!
