Here in America, if you're watching TV, you're likely watching the "Help For Haiti Now" telethon which is on just about every channel.
CMT News:
Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief has announced the addition of new musical artists and celebrity participants to its lineup -- with Beyoncé in London, Madonna in New York City, and Haitian artist Emeline Michel in Los Angeles.
The telethon will air Friday (Jan. 22) at 8 p.m. ET/PT.
Madonna, Beyoncé and Michel join the previously announced lineup: Wyclef Jean, Bruce Springsteen, Jennifer Hudson, Mary J. Blige, Shakira and Sting (in New York City), Alicia Keys, Christina Aguilera, Dave Matthews, John Legend, Justin Timberlake, Stevie Wonder, Taylor Swift, and a group performance by Keith Urban, Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow (in Los Angeles) and Coldplay and a group performance by Bono, the Edge, Jay-Z and Rihanna in London.
In addition to the musical performances, Wyclef Jean, George Clooney and CNN's Anderson Cooper will be joined by former President Bill Clinton, Ben Stiller, Brad Pitt, Chris Rock, Clint Eastwood, Denzel Washington, Halle Berry, Jon Stewart, Julia Roberts, Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Meryl Streep, Morgan Freeman, Nicole Kidman, Robert Pattinson, Samuel L. Jackson, Tom Hanks, Will Smith with Muhammad Ali and more than 100 of the biggest names in film, television and music.
Music performances from Hope for Haiti Now will be available for purchase and download at the iTunes Store. Beginning on Friday (Jan. 22), iTunes customers will be able to exclusively preorder both the Hope for Haiti Now full performance album ($7.99) and the full two-hour video telecast ($2.99). Preorders will be delivered in the days following the telethon. Individual audio performances will also be available for purchase and download for 99 cents each in the days following the telethon. Apple, the record labels and the artists will donate their share of the proceeds to Haiti relief funds managed by Hope for Haiti Now charities.
Hope for Haiti Now performances will also be available for purchase on AmazonMP3 and Rhapsody, with distribution provided by INgrooves. Proceeds from those purchases will also benefit Haiti relief funds managed by Hope for Haiti Now charities.
Hope for Haiti Now will benefit Oxfam America, Partners in Health, the Red Cross, UNICEF, United Nations World Food Programme, Yele Haiti Foundation, and the newly-formed Clinton Bush Haiti Foundation. Proceeds from Hope for Haiti Now will be split among each organization's individual funds for Haiti earthquake relief. With the exception of the Clinton Bush Haiti Fund, each partner organization was selected for its history of operation and collaboration within the NGO community in Haiti.
Hope for Haiti Now will air across ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, CNN, BET, The CW, HBO, MTV, VH1, CMT, PBS, TNT, Showtime, COMEDY CENTRAL, Bravo, E! Entertainment, National Geographic Channel, Oxygen, G4, CENTRIC, Current TV, Fuse, MLB Network, EPIX, Palladia, SoapNet, Style, Discovery Health, Planet Green, CNN en Español, HBO Latino, and Canadian networks including CBC Television, CTV, Global Television and MuchMusic.
In addition, the event will be live streamed online globally across sites including YouTube, Hulu, MySpace, Fancast, AOL, MSN.com, Yahoo, Bing.com, BET.com, CNN.com, CMT.com, MTV.com, VH1.com and Rhapsody and on mobile via Alltel, AT&T, Sprint, Verizon and FloTV. Hope for Haiti Now will also air internationally on BET International, CNN International, National Geographic and MTV Networks International, which is available in 640 million homes worldwide. Hope for Haiti Now will be available non-exclusively to all terrestrial radio stations around the globe and Sirius XM Radio as a one-time-only radio broadcast via the MTV Radio Network and Westwood One.
Hope for Haiti Now will begin accepting donations Friday (Jan. 22) at 12 p.m. ET/9 a.m. PT via the following methods: Online: http://www.hopeforhaitinow.org Phone: (877) 99-HAITI Text: Text "GIVE" to 50555 Mail: Hope for Haiti Now Fund, Entertainment Industry Foundation, 1201 West 5th Street, Suite T-700, Los Angeles, CA 90017
You've all read the news, seen the photos, viewed the footage on the evening news. Haunting, absolutely devastatingly haunting. Read these journals by Dr. Mark Hyman for the Huffington Post if you want a raw, true account. Unbelievable, isn't it?
All the photos, the videos, they can be heavy, but then again, we know our God is touching these people in amazing ways. Unfortunately, some of us are apathetic - it's easy to ignore a disaster that hit miles and miles away - and others don't believe in hope for one reason or another, but beneath the dead bodies, orphaned children, and moonlight tears, there is this:
It's catch up time on the blog! Lots of stuff going on, and Baby Itty Bitty is finally taking a nap. So here we go...
To update you on the drama at my school, here's an email we all got from the President of our university (lol):
An event intended to celebrate the end of the semester grew out of control this weekend. While the event was a private party and not a university-sponsored activity, obviously many Kent State students were involved. Today, university and community officials are exploring what happened and making plans to prevent an occurrence like this from happening in the future. We are grateful that no one was seriously injured during the incident. And while the events are disappointing, they only strengthen our efforts to work hand-in-hand with the city to aid in the growth of the greater Kent community as we strive to be responsible neighbors. We have enjoyed an outstanding level of town-gown cooperation in recent years, and our successful work will continue. The actions of those involved should not taint the wonderful work being done daily by diligent and committed Kent State students, faculty and staff. Unfortunately, lost is the news of the great accomplishments this weekend by our students. One example is the student-sponsored Relay for Life event that again raised thousands of dollars to help fight the scourge of cancer. Let's all learn what we can from these events and work to move forward together as a community. President Lester Lefton
There, now that makes everything all better doesn't it? Oh, and we also got yelled at in our weekly email from him, and we got a "safety email" today on "being safe" this weekend. Haha
Down in Nicaragua, there's probably a similar stack of letters with mine to Julenia buried inside. People tirelessly translate these from English to whatever language they need to be. Then when the children write their letters back, they translate those into English and forward them onto the children's sponsors. Isn't it amazing?
Next, let's see... Oh yes, the swine flu. It was just a joke but now it's a reality. As of this morning, there have been cases of Influenza A H1N1, a respiratory flu found in pigs that is now viable in humans, as seen in Arizona, California, Indiana, Kansas, Massachusetts, Michigan, Nevada, New York City, Ohio, South Carolina and Texas. So why do we care? Well I care because I have a myriad of chronic illnesses that make me susceptible to things like this. And many of my readers share my struggle and are in the at-risk population as well. 51 cases alone have presented in New York City. Why? How many people travel in and out of that city each day? Exactly. Then they travel to their home states and bring it to people there. Then those people go on vacation or go out to eat or go wherever and send the nice little swine flu to some others. So please people, cover your nose and mouth when you sneeze. Then throw the tissue away or wash your hands for goodness' sakes. Gross. Keep your hands away from your eyes, nose and mouth. Don't bite those fingernails and spare the pretty mascara by resisting to rub those eyes. No picking your nose either. Gross again. Because the person with swine flu sneezes on their hand, shakes yours, and then you yawn and touch your mouth. See how easy this is? But now if you have a cold, no need to worry either. To have H1N1, you'll likely have a temp over 100* as well as a cough or sore throat. You'll also have done one of the following: been in contact with someone with swine flu or someone who was in contact with someone having swine flu, traveled to an area affected by swine flu in the 7 days preceding symptom onset, been in contact (within 6 feet) with someone who traveled to an area affected by swine flu, or are hospitalized with influenza or pneumonia. So just be careful out there, chronic chicks. If you think you're coming down with it, call your doctor immediately. Oh, and obey the Feds and don't go to Mexico! But above all, don't be too stressed over it. Just use common sense. My dad spoke with family friend and world-renowned physician Dr. Alan Chow (who is a MD, PhD, OD and is cofounder of Optobionics, a company pioneering an implanted chip that make blind people see... not even kidding) and he confirmed what I had been suspecting... H1N1 is not a bad flu - it's just the flu, people. You'll be better in a couple of days. The only deaths have come from Mexicans and other people who likely cannot or did not access proper, current medical care in a timely manner. Immunocompromised people, be extremely careful just as if you were around any other bug. Get to the doctor if you show symptoms, and you should be all right. Healthy individuals? Same for you. Either way, utilize the health-smart tips above just like you would for any other bug. It's going to be just fine.
Wednesday beganBaby Time at the local library. I enrolled Baby Itty Bitty and invited our friends Russ and Sam to do the same with their Madison. So Wednesday morning for an hour, I sang goofy little songs, clapped and did motions, and held Baby Itty Bitty as she listened to the stories. (Okay, stared at other babies, etc. while the lady read the stories...) Until she decided not sleeping during morning naptime was a bad idea afterall and began to squirm and fuss. (Don't worry, "Itsy Bitsy Spider" cured the issue...) Meanwhile, Maddie spent the morning stealing the show and determinedly eating her pacifier and drooling all over the place. The next several Wednesday mornings should be fun for sure. Next week, we get a new room and will add toys, more interaction, and a "water table" to our stories and songs. Yay! :)
My parents just got back from Chicago and I'm jealous. But I shouldn't be because I'm leaving for Disney World on Tuesday! Although I'm stressed because there's so much to do and not enough time!
Craigslist and Freecycle ROCK. And thrift and consignment stores, too. Just saying. For the past few months, I've collected a desk, books, clothes, fabric, toys, Easter and Christmas decorations, crafts, a dollhouse, a TV/VCR combo, things to redecorate, Ikea bookcase doors, and so much more.. all for FREE! I've given away toys, clothes, a vacuum, baby stuff, etc., and I've gotten absolute steals on lots of baby gear (swings, DVDs, a BundleMe, a Bumbo and tray...) an Ikea bookcase, Cavs tickets, books, clothes, and I could go on forever. I've sold a chair, baby items, craft items, and even my printer combo. I have tons of pending sales, too, including my parents' old pool pump. Crazy or what? Maybe... but definitely fun!!
Still reading My Sister's Keeperand re-reading A Grief Observed. 2 amazing books. I absolutely cannot wait for My Sister's Keeper's movie to come out this June! (Even if it has a different ending...) I started the book a long time ago and didn't get a chance to finish it, so this is the perfect excuse to pick it up again. You should read it too - this book will move you and shake you to the core. I don't really think I'm biased just because I'm sick and I have a sister and I've lived glimpses of this family's lives. I think it would be unimaginable and hard for anyone, not just someone partially living the life. Can you imagine being created to be a genetic match for a cancer-ridden sister... so your cells and organs and tissues could in many ways cure her most of the times she got sick? Going to the hospital each time she had to? In the book/movie, the girl essentially decides to sue her parents for the rights to her own body... all while she loves her sister. Wrap your head around that one. And of course Jodi Picoult is a master author. So just read it. And check out the trailer:
Oh and I must give a shoutout to my nerdy fiance. Jonathan found this funny video by College Humor called Twitter in Real Life. If you're into Twitter, you'll totally get this... it made me "lol" :)
Speaking of Twitter... you so should be following me....
K, so Grey's Anatomy last night??? Episode 99 was one of the best in a long time! And I'm so, so excited for Episode 100 - if you want a spoiler, click here. Shonda Rimes confirmed that Denny will definitely be in the episode, and she also added, "Just a reminder: He's not a ghost, and we should all remember what his appearance means." Interpret that one how you will... either Izzie's mets are back making her nuts, or well... he's come to take her... they will finally be together. But back to last night. Krista Vernoff came back to write and the scenes with Izzie and her mom, Meredith and little Maddy, Meredith and Richard... well, there were lots of amazing scenes. Even though lately Grey's has deviated from episodes with obviously resonating themes, throughout this episode, a few ideas were repeatedly apparent: acceptance, forgiveness, and making amends. I loved how Meredith risked her job to tell Maddy's mom, "You have to change her story while you still have a chance... for her, but for your little girl, you have to change her story." The whole idea of a little girl shooting her dad 17 times to save her mom from her dad, now that's controversial. For standing up for a 6 year old murderer, now that's Meredith Grey. I love how Meredith is all "dark and twisty," you never know where she's going next or how she's going to react. She's not afraid to surprise people, and she's not afraid to run or hide when it's the best thing she can do. I can relate to Meredith. But anyways, change their stories... Hindsight is 20/20 but I know my story could have been changed, and maybe yours could have been, too. Instead of letting that realization hurt (I'd never in my life thought of it that way), embrace the realization that all adults change the stories of each and every child they ever get to know, and you have the power to give a child a happier ending, a brighter beginning.
Oh and any Private Practicewatchers reading? How about that season finale?! I knew it from the time I saw that psychotic woman appear back on the episode... Chills!
Jonathan just sent me an email with a song I can't help but share. I love it when he does random stuff like this... Just one of the reasons I love my guy so much... He just gets it, you know? He just gets me. Feels so good...
there may come a time, a time in everyones life where nothing seems to go your way where nothing seems to turn out right there may come a time, you just can't seem to find your way for every door you walk on to, seems like they get slammed in your face
that's when you need someone, someone that you can call and when all your faith is gone feels like you cant go on
let it be me let it be me if it's a friend that you need let it be me let it be me
feels like your always coming on home pockets full of nothing and you got no cash no matter where you turn you ain't got no place to stand reach out for something and they slap your hand now i remember all to well just how it feels to be all alone you feel like you'd give anything for just a little place you can call your own
thats when you need someone, someone that you can call and when all your faith is gone feels like you cant go on
let it be me let it be me if it's a friend you need let it be me let it be me
Well, I'm in Florida... Mom and I flew down to be with Poppop and to start sorting through Nana's things. I'm documenting the journey in greater detail at a special Tumblr site I created, but I do want to share some things here as well.
Today has been hard. Being in her house without her. Going through her clothes and special keepsakes. Seeing the brokenhearted husband she left behind. Hard.
I found this poem in her "special drawer" where she kept her most cherished keepsakes like letters and photos, and it stood out to me because it really summarized the values Nana exuded to all she knew.
After Awhile Veronica Shoffstall
After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and sharing a life and you learn that love doesn't mean possession and company doesn't mean security and loneliness is universal
And you learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open.
And you learn to build your hope on today as the future has a way of falling apart in mid-flight because tomorrow's ground can be too uncertain for plans yet each step taken in a new direction creates a path toward the promise of a brighter dawn.
And you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and nourish your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that love, true love, always has joys and sorrows seems ever present, yet is never quite the same becoming more than love and less than love so difficult to define.
And you learn that through it all you really can endure that you really are strong that you do have value and you learn and grow with every goodbye you learn.
Is anybody out there, does anybody see, that when the lights are off, somethings killing me? It may seem I have everything, but everything means nothing when the ride you're on leaves you feeling lost. Not ashamed to see me crawl, who's going to catch me when I fall? (ashlee simpson)
As an arguably random start, I want to tell you that my car wreck in September, 2007 was caused by a girl running her car into the back of mine. I was stopped at a light and literally watched her hit me at full speed.
Yesterday while I was driving Baby Itty Bitty to pick up Big Itty Bitty from school, the car in front of me signaled and braked to turn right. I, of course, slowed to a stop behind him and intuitively looked into my rearview mirror. The truck behind me was not stopping. All in the matter of a second or two, I watched him swerve and brake, barely missing my car. Normally, that would shake me up for hours. Yet yesterday, for some reason, it was as if I couldn't have cared less. I did not even freeze in fear or feel my heart race. In all honesty, I was almost to the point of hoping he would hit me ... I almost hoped he would.
Until I remembered the sweet 4-month old little soul sleeping right behind me.
Then inside my head, I yelled at myself.
For selfishly forgetting the precious life I held in my hands.
For not minding whether or not I got into a car wreck.
For being so unaffected by a terrifying scenario that at any other time would shake me senseless.
For becoming as miserably lethargic as I have been during the past couple of months.
For wanting to die...
Yet in my heart I am - through all of this - somehow still grateful that an invisible hand of my God is keeping me here even when I don't feel like staying around.
I'm also thankful that He sends signs of His presence when I need them the most.
I'd like to publicly thank God for sending an extra special blessing to me last night through one of my beautiful readers. I'd like to personally thank a friend I've never met before, by the name of Lisa (blogging at Prisoner of Hope - please go read her story and pray for her daughter). I doubt she knows even half of the extent, but she let God use her in an amazing, great way last night just by sharing a few words in a comment on my "All But My Life" post...
Bless you, precious girl. Pardon my interruption, but I have been led to leave you some encouragement. I try to keep up with your blog because 1) I am a nursing student (although a very old one, lol. I will graduate this June, LORD willing and 2) I have a 15 year-old daughter who has been struggling with a very serious health issue for the past 4.5 years and she is really struggling emotionally as well as physically. So I read your blog and am amazed at how well you have coped with your lot and pray that my daughter will one day also encourage others with her life story.
God gave me a verse recently, Romans 12:12: "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." The enemy wants to steal our hope. There is a song by Andy Park, Yet I Will Praise, that means so much to me when I feel myself losing hope.
I will praise you Lord my God, even in my brokeness I will praise you Lord.
I will praise you Lord my God, even in my desperation, I will praise you Lord.
And I can't understand all that you allow, I just can't see the reason
But my life is in Your hands, and though I cannot see You, I choose to trust you.
Even when my heart is torn, I will praise you Lord,
Even when I feel deserted, I will praise you Lord,
Even in the darkest valley, I will praise you Lord,
When my world is shattered, and it seems all hope is gone,
Yet I will praise You Lord.
Amanda, The LORD loves you so much and has amazing plans for your future. Be encouraged! You are an overcomer.
Thank you for being so candid. I do pray for you!
Blessings, lisa k.
Isn't God good?
His hand is on the life of each and every one of us. Even when we hurt. Even when we forget how to be ourselves, how to persevere, how to get up in the morning.
Yes, I am at my wits end, but the more I hang on in this same, scary place? The more I realize that this is where His strength is the strongest, the most meaningful, and the most merciful.
The last few hours that somehow made up two days rank among the top few hardest times of my life, and that says a lot.
The day of and proceeding days after losing Nana on January 28th can only be described as the longest, most torturous nightmare, but nothing compares to the moment I saw her for the first time after her death.
Mom had worked so hard to find one of her nicest dresses and make her look identical to a photo we had of her wearing that dress. Every detail, down to which two earrings were on each ear and which necklace lie on her chest... Mom even redid her hair after it had already been styled because it wasn't like she really wore it. But walking into that room and seeing my Nana in there... in the most beautiful mauve coffin surrounded by arrangement after arrangement of her favorite flowers... The room was edged all around with her paintings, dozens of photo frames, various scrapbooks and tributes... Our who family worked hard to ensure the room would speak for itself, proclaiming the love Nana shared with so many and the passion she had about everything.
It was all perfect, just how she would have wanted it. But at the same time, it was so wrong. With my hand in Jonathan's, I stepped towards her and the horrendous grief that had throbbed in my heart for days was nothing compared to that moment.
Who was that in the box? Definitely not Nana. Her nails were painted just like they always were, and all of her rings were just how they always were, too. We all loved those beautiful hands, the hands that created and loved and gave, the distinctive tiny hands with little fingers that Mom and I have, too. But that face? That wasn't Nana. I didn't know what it was, but it just wasn't hers. I reached and grasped her hand - just like she always did to me - and found it cold and rubbery. I sobbed and sobbed. This was not right. This was not how life was supposed to be.
This was my worst nightmare.
We all stood tall though as hundreds came to honor my Nana. There was the longest line and so many new and familiar faces came and shared their love and support. We felt so much strength and are forever grateful for such wonderful friends and family.
It was my little guys though who made the biggest difference. Shannon wasn't sure about them standing in line for so long and then seeing something quite like that, but I told her I'd take a break from all the hugging and thanking and greeting to keep them occupied in the playroom while she and her parents spent some time with my family. (Her mom is my mom's best friend.) I knew they were ready though, and I knew they'd be fine. I got down on my knees and told them we needed to have a chat. I asked them if they remembered my Nana, as they had met her several times. I then tried to explain to them how she died which means now she's with Jesus. I told them how their "Auntie Pam" got a chance to pray with her, and she let Jesus into her heart so she got to go to Heaven. I explained to them how she's so happy up there, and everyone is only sad because we will miss her. I didn't know if they'd get confused about seeing her body while thinking it was in heaven, so I told them that her body was still here on earth, but that's because she has a brand new better body in heaven. Her body here is empty, and her soul is up with Jesus. Bryce said, "Ohhhh, I know!!"and then told me one time he heard my mom (who is a Sunday School teacher) say, [his version of whatever she really did say], "She was sleeping then she woke up, then she was sleeping and sleeping, and then she woke up, and then she nodded her head, and then she went to sleep!!" That was his version of Nana being unconscious for so long, and she woke up once or twice (during which I said my last goodbye), and then the last time she woke up, my mom asked if she wanted to pray, and she nodded her head. My mom prayed with her and asked if she believed what she heard. (She was unable to speak.) Amazingly, Nana nodded her head again before going back into unconsciousness. Our God is so merciful and woke her up long enough to pray before, as Bryce said, "Then she went to sleep!"
If you're wondering, yes, the boys did great. At only 3 and 5, my little guys proudly told everyone that Nana was in heaven with Jesus. That faith, that peace... so precious.
Today was nothing short of heart-wrenchingly painful. After a beautiful service, when it came time to say our final goodbyes, I hugged and kissed her, and I told her how much I loved her. Then right before we left so they could close the coffin, I took our family picture and gently placed it in her hands. That's what she would have wanted. Each and every one of her precious family members will be with her forever or at least until we meet her up there at those gates of pearl.
But at the bottom of it all, and as hard as this time is, Bryce was right...
Nana had a beautiful, full life. She loved, loved, loved. And then what?
Then she went to sleep.
In the arms of an angel, I'm sure.
And in loving memory of my Nana, here is the post I put in her online guestbook.
February 1, 2009
To my beautiful Nana,
I never thought this day would come so soon. I never thought it would come at all, actually, because I just can't imagine living without you. But here it is, and as excruciating as this time may be, I know you're in a much better place.
Looking back, I'll never forget the days we spent in your Florida home... your attempts at teaching us to swim, the hours we spent together sharing our love for art and all of the talents that span our generations. I remember so well the times you would share stories and patiently repeat things as I tried to record our family history, and I will never forget when you and Poppop would take Nikki and I to the McDonalds with the "Play Place." I remember so proudly holding your hand as we went to Disney World so many times. I remember how much I loved looking through your old sketches and seeing pictures of you as a child and teenager. Your art was more beautiful than any I'd seen before, and the photos? You looked so much like Mom.
More recently, my dream came true when you and Poppop bought a condo here in Ohio just a minute or two from our house. It made visiting so easy, and I enjoyed it. Each time, the second you knew I had arrived, you'd come running out of your room in your nightgown and white socks, and sometimes your hair would be a mess and your TV headphones would be on, but without fail, each time your arms were open wide. You made me feel like I was the most honorable guest to ever grace your home even if I had already been there earlier in the day or the day before. But you did that for everyone I'm sure, that's just the beautiful woman you were. You had to make everyone feel special all the time, and you were all the more beautiful for it.
I loved each and every one of our dinners. You would always eat so slowly because you believed meals were for enjoying, for savoring. And each and every evening, after your last bite of food, you always had to have y our coffee. One last cup before we left. Also, you were always so kind to the waitress, and ever since I was a tiny girl, you would tell me that our server could be their family's sole provider and might barely be getting by. Then as Poppop would be occupied paying the bill and calculating the tip, you'd covertly slip a dollar or two underneath a coffee cup or plate so the server would later find an extra gift. Through things like this, you taught me compassion and helped me realize never to judge because we never, ever know what is behind some people's smiles.
Not only did you exemplify compassion and kindness, but you brought out many of my talents. You showed me to appreciate the beauty in everything and to see the best in everyone. You believed in me more than anyone else and encouraged me in every step I made. Just like all of your other children and grandchildren, you got so excited to hear of my accomplishments and new ventures. I know you wouldn't want me to feel sad like this, but my heart just aches so deeply when I think that you'll never see me accomplish two of life's biggest achievements... you'll never see me walk down the aisle, and you'll never meet your great-grandbabies. You'd be so, so proud. I'd be honored to get your expert opinion on colors, fabrics, and flowers for my wedding. You were amazing at things like that. Most of all though, you loved Jonathan so much, too, and my heart is so happy that you approved of my soulmate. And as for our children, you would be so, so excited - just like you were over your three grandchildren, Heather, my sister, and myself. I can just imagine you now... holding them and singing little songs. You'd read them stories and teach them to sew and paint. When I wasn't looking, you'd sneak them little treats before dinnertime. You'd probably keep a "secret craft drawer" at your house for them just like you did for me. I grieve so badly all of the things that will never be.
I'm so glad we lived our time to the fullest though... I do have that to hold onto. I will never forget how much you loved when I'd take you on your errands after our "dates" at the Olive Garden. That was both of our favorite restaurant. And last summer was full of our "dates." We have so many amazing memories, and while I'm so thankful, I can't deny how bad I'm yearning for those days once more.
Just a few months ago, after I helped you pack up your things for your winter in Florida, I gave you a huge hug with tears in my eyes. We always hated those goodbyes, but I'm sure that's what made the hellos in the springtime even more exciting. I just never, ever thought this goodbye would the last before the ultimate goodbye. Never. I was sure I'd see you in the spring, and I was already dreaming of the new memories we would make.
I'm grateful that I have no regrets and we both openly knew the bond we shared. I look back on your life and see that it was truly a full life and also a life full of beauty. Whether I like it or not, God knows best, so I must rest in knowing that it was indeed your time to go. The only thing that upsets me though - other than missing you - is wishing I could have been there when you went. Nana, I would have held your hand for that entire week and not left your side. I know you knew that though, and I know you understand I had to stay up in Ohio. I know exactly what you would have said if you could, "Now don't you worry about your Nana, hon. You have your studies and your health." Then you would have said, "You give your sister a big hug and kiss from Nana, and give Jonathan my love," I can just hear you now, "Take good care of things for your mother, okay, darlin'?" I miss that voice....
I'm so thankful that I did get one last chance to talk to you before you went home, and I'm holding so tightly to that. It was a week ago today. I told you how much I loved you over and over, and then I said, "It's okay Nana, you can go home now. It's okay." I know you heard me, and I know you knew how much I adored you. That gives me peace. And now? I like to think you're in heaven looking down on me. If you were here, I know you'd tell me to stop crying. You'd tell me that your pain is gone and you're waiting for me with Jesus. And as always, you'd say, "Now don't you worry about your Nana, hon." You always said that.
Just like last Sunday when I talked to you for the very last time, I know you can hear me now too. Some may not believe it, but I do. You're probably a little busy right now though... You loved beauty more than anything, and you could spend more time admiring the tiniest details than anyone I've ever known, so I'm sure you're still taking in the wonders of Heaven. I think you might be enjoying it just a little more than most people - if that's possible - because heaven is exquisite, or so I've heard. I imagine you're taking the time to carefully examine every single beautiful flower, to just sit and lay by the gates of pearls. You're admiring the streets of gold, too, aren't you Nana? Your mansion has to be breathtaking, I'm sure. I can't wait to see it - I can just imagine how how excited you'll be to show it to anyone up there who will let you. You'll invite them in with love and act like they are the most honorable guests ever because remember, that's just how you are. You probably have Great Nana's Pound Cake in the oven too, right? With whipped cream and strawberries on the top. Or some elaborate pie. Something. Because you never let your guests leave hungry. See, I really was listening all those years, Nana!
You taught me so much, and all I can do is think of you right now. My heart is aching. I am so happy for you, don't get me wrong, but this is the biggest void I've ever had to deal with. Nothing can fill it because you were just so wonderful and such a huge part of who I am and who I loved. But I know you'll be watching over our family, Nana, just as you were so good at doing here on earth. Look down from above and let me feel you here. I'll keep on living like the girl you taught me to be, and I hope I always make you proud. Thank you for every second you spent with me, every single word you spoke that helped make me who I am. Thank you for loving everyone and everything. You left such a beautiful legacy of living to brighten others' days through your kindness, your words, your smile, even your art.
I am 22 & currently spend my days nannying my itty bitties + going to college (working on my nursing degree, goal: pediatric oncology) & am honored to be a published writer in a nursing anthology & a contributor to many scrapbooking publications. i love hanging with my amazing friends, sister & family. i love my baby puppy haylie brooke and our silly doggie ri-ri. in my rare spare time, i read & get crafty. i thrive on organization, my mac repertoire, learning & absolute fabulosity. my favorite place in the world is paris. my favorite color is pink. i love being a nurse & i believe each one of my patients is precious. i'm a night owl & wish my lifestyle promoted such habits. i like lazy jammie days. i believe in god and am thankful for his hand on my life. i believe that life is too short to be anything but happy, & i’m thankful that a chronic liver disease + the effects of a car accident have taught me important values that most people learn far too late. i hope that the world will find hope, and my idea of a good day is one in which i made someone smile :)
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