I hope you all had a beautiful Valentine's Day. I'll just jump straight to the point here - I absolutely hate Valentine's Day. Yes, I'm happily engaged to my soulmate, and no, it's not his fault. I think it has a little something to do with sitting in the hospital on Valentine's Day sixteen years ago... I was a little 5 year old who had spent the previous couple days being poked and prodded and even held down screaming at the top of my lungs as a doctor drilled into my bone to remove some bone marrow for testing. Every year, I try to be excited about Valentine's Day, but those memories are still so loud. I didn't know it then, but it was the end of the only 5 normal years I'd ever have and the beginning of a lifetime of excruciatingly difficult experiences.
What does this have to do with Change of Shift? Well, this is the Nursing Blog Carnival. I'd like to ask all of you nurses - and other wonderful allied health guests - to join me in remembering that little girl scared to death sixteen years ago. Every patient is that little girl. Every patient is full of emotions and questions, even the healthy ones. Every smile you see has a fair chance of being a well-maintained facade that could very well crumble to pieces when you leave the room. Every patient has a voice, but so many are too scared or intimidated to use it. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day, but I can assure you that whatever field you're in, your words and your smile can make or break a patient's day and truly change their life.
That 5 year old's first hospital experience was with her nurse. The nurse was doing all of the admitting paperwork and the little girl asked if she could please have an apple juice. Of course said the seemingly friendly nurse. But the nurse had two things when she returned - the apple juice and an IV. The little girl was petrified of that nurse for the rest of her stay. The nurse had betrayed her trust, and the little girl was sure if she asked for anything again, she'd get something bad from the nurse, too.
It's the simple things, it really, really is. And let me tell you, it doesn't end in Peds. Those adults are just as scared too. If you slow down enough to sit and see how someone is really doing, you'll be amazed how much they'll open up. You'll be shocked at how human they really are, especially as we are so used to the fast-paced healthcare system that forces us to go in and out of patient rooms with an objective and unattached mindset.
They're real people, just like you. Just like me. As cliche as it this statement is, treat each patient how you would like to be treated. You'll be amazed how the nurse-patient dynamic will drastically change. You'll be able to better help the patient with their increased openness and honesty. Can you remember to come back in an hour to check on them if that's what you promised? If not, set your watch alarm for 60 minutes. You might be the only familiar face that patient will see all day. He may be sitting there watching the clock just waiting for your smile. :)
And now, without further ado, here are our fabulous submissions:
First off Dean Moyer sent in a post about new research and the downside of physical therapy - Herniated Discs and the Catch-22 of Rehabilitation. Research is so interesting sometimes, but as many of us know, you really have to stand back and file it in with the big picture. But as he says, knowledge is power! Recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I definitely back him up on that one. And I agree with him when he says the more you know, the better you can handle the set backs.
Next, Jennifer Rotman marvels at the maintenance of the nursing field while the economy is crashing everywhere else. Check out her post, How Nurses Kept Their Jobs While Millions Lost It. It's a great post that answers a question many have wondered. Make sure you read through to the end. Isn't it humbling being in a field where we make such amazing differences sometimes?
Victoria Powell will also touch your heart with her post, I Am A Nurse. She details her journey into nursing and what she learned along the way. She talks about realizing how the simple things can make the difference in care and later states, "Find what makes your heart sing and do it." Perfectly said.
On a different note, check out Adrianne O'Brien's post on the woman who just had octuplets - Eight is (More Than) Enough. Join in the dozens of comments if you dare - what do you think about the issue? Ethical? Who's at blame? Should it even be called "blame"? The post is 2 weeks old and new information has surfaced, but still... she presents a lot of interesting ideas and questions to ponder.
Once again, NurseConnect bloggers stepped up to the plate and sent in some great posts! Nurse Laura posted Breathing Life into our Practice and reminds us to take the advice we so frequently give our patients - Take a deep breath! Nurse Kathy posted Job Shadow which will definitely make you laugh. I'm in the final run of my nursing degree so I had to chuckle... it was job shadowing day and she agreed to show two girls around and tell them about the career. They had a great day, but not for reasons you would expect!!
On a more serious note, Mark, a paramedic, submitted an endearing post on a patient dying on the back of his ambulance - ECG (part 1). Such a human story of life and what matters when we realize we may be at the end. And bonus - a chance to review your EKG skills! :)
PRN Penguin shared Found in Translation, a moving post on trying to bridge the language-gap. Actions speak louder than words, and genuine care and concern can translate over an cultural difference. Such a beautiful story.
A big YAY to Shrtstormtrooper for posting Magnet Ball Vitals, a little tale of her first clinical. Moral of the story? Be nice to student nurses!! :) I love those stories of our first days with patients... I sure do remember mine!
We have two posts this time from SharpBrains - one by Alvaro Fernandez, Brain Training: It Works, and It Doesn't Work, tells what to look for before buying into one of the new brain training programs and even shares a handy checklist. Secondly, Scott Barry Kaufman submitted the very fascinating Learning About Learning: An Interview with Joshua Waitzkin. The title says it all! Lots of fun info here.
Now Macho Nurse posted Keep Your Eye on the Prize, a very motivational post. I loved it. His "prize" is being a pediatric nurse, and his story was great to read. But in another respect, I want to commend him right now for "getting it." The intro to his story brought tears to my eyes at how descriptively and truly he described being a p ediatric or adolescent patient with a chronic illness. You nailed it, Macho Nurse. That little five year old me would have been honored to be such a student nurse's patient. Thank you for what you brought - and will continue to bring - to those children.
Last but not least, Kim, coordinator of the fabulous Change of Shift, has a last minute post that's definitely worth it - Absolutely Nuts or Totally Unique? We are in a unique profession, and there is so much flexibility in degrees, licenses, fields... whatever. But PhD or AA or critical care or CEO... we are ALL at the core, one thing: a nurse. A fabulous, wonderful, honorable thing.
On a final note, PLEASE PLEASE keep submitting. Our posts numbers have been down lately, and we've been inundated with spammers hanging out on the BlogCarnival site. There are so many amazing nursing voices out there - stand up for your profession and let yours be heard! Invite us over to your blog. We can't wait to hear from YOU! :)
And...
Happy Valentine's Day. Enjoy the challenge to open your heart.
Thanks for stopping by. :)
PS - Big news! An aggregated feed of credible, rotating health and medicine blog carnivals is now available here. Get all the latest carnival information right in your inbox or feed reader! So easy!
The hugest thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has overwhelmed me with emails, comments, cards, flowers, food... whatever. To everyone who stood by us during the two endless days that were filled with calling hours, funeral service, and the burial service. Each and every smile, hug, and word touched our hearts. There are no words to describe how hard this time has been for me and my family, but there are also no words to describe the strength that comes from knowing we have the most amazing, authentically caring, loving friends supporting all of us. You all have touched me in the deepest part of my soul and given me more strength than you'll ever know.
Thank you.
And thank you to all of you who have helped me maintain my perspective amidst my grief...
Here's an email I got from my mom's best friend, more like my "aunt" :) ...
Hi Amanda,
I just wanted to send my love your way for Nana's passing. I know you loved her lots and she loved you. But just think - she made it to Heaven!!! That makes it all worth it! You'll see her again someday, happier than you've ever seen her
I'll be praying for you that the Lord will wrap His arms of love around you and fill your heart with peace!
Love you,
Tammy
I'm trying to dwell on things like that, but it's just so hard. They say people grieve in crazy ways and with me, you could definitely say I've been to every end of the spectrum. First I cried and cried. Then I decided it was time to clean and organize like crazy. Then I decided I was going to shop until I literally dropped. Then I refused to get out of bed and drugged myself to sleep. For a few of the days before the funeral, I was in get-things-done mode partially because I knew I had lot ahead of me with funeral preparations. (Understatement! I had NO idea how much goes into making a sacred, beautiful event absolutely perfect to honor a loved one.) Nana loved beauty, and Nana was beauty, so we all tried to make every tiny detail perfect for her. We may have gone a little overboard with all of the funeral home tributes, the slideshows, whatever... but how in the world do you commemorate a love so huge? It's like nothing seems enough. I remember being at JoAnns the other week (it was on the grieving=shopping day...) looking at picture frames. I wanted to buy some to showcase photos of her during her life and perhaps even her artwork. I went up and down every frame aisle. I couldn't decide on anything, so I did it again. And again. The lady at the framing counter looked at me like I was insane as I probably circled all of the department's aisles a dozen times. I finally realized though, no frame could be as beautiful as Nana so I should settle on something that was at least beautiful, something in a style that she'd be proud to showcase in her own room had she still been here with us.
I'm sure that everyone who came into the funeral home knew without a shadow of a doubt that Nana was special. We lined every side table with photos, scrapbooks, her paintings, and even a beautiful poem that my cousin wrote. Flowers were absolutely everywhere, and Jonathan and I made a slideshow of photos of her life that replayed over and over. As morbid as it sounds, her casket ended up being lovelier than the picture, and the color was so "her." Nana herself looked as much like Nana as I know would ever be possible, and I am content in saying that Nana would have been satisfied. She lived by details and knew how everything should be, what her style was... she was just that kind of woman. And yes, I know that even Nana would have given everything her nod of approval. I'm so happy I think we did her proud.
The only thing is she should be here, that's all.
I have so many more thoughts about the services and seeing my precious Nana's empty body for those few times, but for now, I want to honor her with some beautiful writings.
Her legacy will live on. You can't put an end to someone who was as amazing as my Nana.
I love her and think of her all day long.
Realism
(David Reynolds, from "Water Bears No Scars")
Anyone who has spent years working in a garden or in the fields knows impermanence intimately. We see the cycle of seasons, the coming and going of insects, droughts, freezes, rot, the seeds that sprout or die, the life cycles of plants, the bountiful harvests and the lean. It is all change. There is nothing that can be counted on with certainty to be exactly as it was last year. Our only recourse is to keep on fitting what we do, adapting who we are, to the constantly changing circumstances.
It does no good to tell the grasshopper eating the soybean leaves, "You really shouldn't be doing that." Wishing the rain would stop (or come) doesn't affect the weather or the plants. Analyzing how we feel about fungus doesn't save the cabbage. We need a more realistic perspective and straightforward action to have a chance to effect the changes we desire.
I am not being passive or resigned when I emphasize the changeableness of the world and the necessity of our adapting to it. Only when we have a clear vision of this flux and our place in it does our effort mean something. To work and succeed and play and love while pretending it will all last, while ignoring the fragile "momentariness" of it all, is to miss the chance for depth in all these activities. To try while dying, to love while changing, to play while acknowledging the impermanence allows a kind of nobility to the simplest act, to something that was only childish escape before.
There is nothing ennobling about suffering itself. But in striving while suffering we move beyond ourselves to become new creatures -- whether the striving attains what we set out to accomplish or not. Pain and self-doubt and fear and anger don't necessarily stimulate growth, but they do permit it. When the effort is there. Change is inevitable. In the garden; in us. Some of the change we can influence, some we cannot. Our fundamental hope lies in affecting the change that is us.
Death Is Nothing At All
(Canon Henry Scott-Holland)
Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sig ht?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Do Not Stand on My Grave and Weep
(Mary Elizabeth Frye)
Do not stand on my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond's glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
Many Winters
(Nancy Wood)
All my life is a dance.
When I was young and feeling the earth,
My steps were quick and easy.
The beat of the earth was so loud
That my drum was silent beside it.
All of my life rolled out from my feet
Like my land which had no end as far as I could see.
The rhythm of my life was pure and free.
As I grew older my feet kept dancing so hard
That I wore a spot in the earth.
At the same time I made a hole in the sky.
I danced to the sun and the rain and the moon lifted me up
So that I could dance to the stars.
My head touched the clouds sometimes
And my feet danced deep in the earth
So that I became the music I danced to everywhere
It was the music I dance to everywhere
It was the music of life.
Now my steps are slow and hard
And my body fails my spirit,
Yet my dance is still within me and
My song is the air I breathe.
My song insists that I keep dancing forever.
My song insists that I keep rhythm
With all of the earth and the sky.
My song insists that I will never die.
Remember Me
To the living, I am gone.
To the sorrowful, I will never return.
To the angry, I was cheated,
But to the happy, I am at peace,
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So as you stand upon a shore, gazing at a beautiful sea - remember me.
As you look in awe at a mighty forest and its grand majesty - remember me.
As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity - remember me.
Remember me in your heart, your thoughts, and your memories of the times we loved, the times we cried, the times we fought, the times we laughed.
For if you always think of me, I will have never gone.
Eagle Poem
(Joy Harjo)
To pray you open your whole self
To sky, to earth, to sun, to moon;
To one whole voice that is you.
And know there is more
That you can't see, can't hear,
Can't know except in moments
Steadily growing, and in languages
That aren't always sound, but other
Circles of motion.
Like Eagle that Sunday morning
Over Salt River. Circled in blue sky,
In wind, swept our hearts clean
With sacred wings.
We see you, see ourselves and know
That we must take the utmost care
And kindness in all things.
Breathe in, knowing we are made of
All this, and breathe, knowing
We are truly blessed because we
Were born, and die soon within a
True circle of motion,
Like Eagle rounding out the morning
Inside us.
We pray that it will be done
In beauty.
In beauty.
Prayer of Faith
(Author Unknown)
We trust that beyond absence there is a presence.
That beyond the pain there can be healing.
That beyond the brokenness there can be wholeness.
That beyond the anger there may be peace.
That beyond the hurting there may be forgiveness.
That beyond the silence there may be the word.
That beyond the word there may be understanding.
That through understanding there is love.
The last few hours that somehow made up two days rank among the top few hardest times of my life, and that says a lot.
The day of and proceeding days after losing Nana on January 28th can only be described as the longest, most torturous nightmare, but nothing compares to the moment I saw her for the first time after her death.
Mom had worked so hard to find one of her nicest dresses and make her look identical to a photo we had of her wearing that dress. Every detail, down to which two earrings were on each ear and which necklace lie on her chest... Mom even redid her hair after it had already been styled because it wasn't like she really wore it. But walking into that room and seeing my Nana in there... in the most beautiful mauve coffin surrounded by arrangement after arrangement of her favorite flowers... The room was edged all around with her paintings, dozens of photo frames, various scrapbooks and tributes... Our who family worked hard to ensure the room would speak for itself, proclaiming the love Nana shared with so many and the passion she had about everything.
It was all perfect, just how she would have wanted it. But at the same time, it was so wrong. With my hand in Jonathan's, I stepped towards her and the horrendous grief that had throbbed in my heart for days was nothing compared to that moment.
Who was that in the box? Definitely not Nana. Her nails were painted just like they always were, and all of her rings were just how they always were, too. We all loved those beautiful hands, the hands that created and loved and gave, the distinctive tiny hands with little fingers that Mom and I have, too. But that face? That wasn't Nana. I didn't know what it was, but it just wasn't hers. I reached and grasped her hand - just like she always did to me - and found it cold and rubbery. I sobbed and sobbed. This was not right. This was not how life was supposed to be.
This was my worst nightmare.
We all stood tall though as hundreds came to honor my Nana. There was the longest line and so many new and familiar faces came and shared their love and support. We felt so much strength and are forever grateful for such wonderful friends and family.
It was my little guys though who made the biggest difference. Shannon wasn't sure about them standing in line for so long and then seeing something quite like that, but I told her I'd take a break from all the hugging and thanking and greeting to keep them occupied in the playroom while she and her parents spent some time with my family. (Her mom is my mom's best friend.) I knew they were ready though, and I knew they'd be fine. I got down on my knees and told them we needed to have a chat. I asked them if they remembered my Nana, as they had met her several times. I then tried to explain to them how she died which means now she's with Jesus. I told them how their "Auntie Pam" got a chance to pray with her, and she let Jesus into her heart so she got to go to Heaven. I explained to them how she's so happy up there, and everyone is only sad because we will miss her. I didn't know if they'd get confused about seeing her body while thinking it was in heaven, so I told them that her body was still here on earth, but that's because she has a brand new better body in heaven. Her body here is empty, and her soul is up with Jesus. Bryce said, "Ohhhh, I know!!"and then told me one time he heard my mom (who is a Sunday School teacher) say, [his version of whatever she really did say], "She was sleeping then she woke up, then she was sleeping and sleeping, and then she woke up, and then she nodded her head, and then she went to sleep!!" That was his version of Nana being unconscious for so long, and she woke up once or twice (during which I said my last goodbye), and then the last time she woke up, my mom asked if she wanted to pray, and she nodded her head. My mom prayed with her and asked if she believed what she heard. (She was unable to speak.) Amazingly, Nana nodded her head again before going back into unconsciousness. Our God is so merciful and woke her up long enough to pray before, as Bryce said, "Then she went to sleep!"
If you're wondering, yes, the boys did great. At only 3 and 5, my little guys proudly told everyone that Nana was in heaven with Jesus. That faith, that peace... so precious.
Today was nothing short of heart-wrenchingly painful. After a beautiful service, when it came time to say our final goodbyes, I hugged and kissed her, and I told her how much I loved her. Then right before we left so they could close the coffin, I took our family picture and gently placed it in her hands. That's what she would have wanted. Each and every one of her precious family members will be with her forever or at least until we meet her up there at those gates of pearl.
But at the bottom of it all, and as hard as this time is, Bryce was right...
Nana had a beautiful, full life. She loved, loved, loved. And then what?
Then she went to sleep.
In the arms of an angel, I'm sure.
And in loving memory of my Nana, here is the post I put in her online guestbook.
February 1, 2009
To my beautiful Nana,
I never thought this day would come so soon. I never thought it would come at all, actually, because I just can't imagine living without you. But here it is, and as excruciating as this time may be, I know you're in a much better place.
Looking back, I'll never forget the days we spent in your Florida home... your attempts at teaching us to swim, the hours we spent together sharing our love for art and all of the talents that span our generations. I remember so well the times you would share stories and patiently repeat things as I tried to record our family history, and I will never forget when you and Poppop would take Nikki and I to the McDonalds with the "Play Place." I remember so proudly holding your hand as we went to Disney World so many times. I remember how much I loved looking through your old sketches and seeing pictures of you as a child and teenager. Your art was more beautiful than any I'd seen before, and the photos? You looked so much like Mom.
More recently, my dream came true when you and Poppop bought a condo here in Ohio just a minute or two from our house. It made visiting so easy, and I enjoyed it. Each time, the second you knew I had arrived, you'd come running out of your room in your nightgown and white socks, and sometimes your hair would be a mess and your TV headphones would be on, but without fail, each time your arms were open wide. You made me feel like I was the most honorable guest to ever grace your home even if I had already been there earlier in the day or the day before. But you did that for everyone I'm sure, that's just the beautiful woman you were. You had to make everyone feel special all the time, and you were all the more beautiful for it.
I loved each and every one of our dinners. You would always eat so slowly because you believed meals were for enjoying, for savoring. And each and every evening, after your last bite of food, you always had to have y our coffee. One last cup before we left. Also, you were always so kind to the waitress, and ever since I was a tiny girl, you would tell me that our server could be their family's sole provider and might barely be getting by. Then as Poppop would be occupied paying the bill and calculating the tip, you'd covertly slip a dollar or two underneath a coffee cup or plate so the server would later find an extra gift. Through things like this, you taught me compassion and helped me realize never to judge because we never, ever know what is behind some people's smiles.
Not only did you exemplify compassion and kindness, but you brought out many of my talents. You showed me to appreciate the beauty in everything and to see the best in everyone. You believed in me more than anyone else and encouraged me in every step I made. Just like all of your other children and grandchildren, you got so excited to hear of my accomplishments and new ventures. I know you wouldn't want me to feel sad like this, but my heart just aches so deeply when I think that you'll never see me accomplish two of life's biggest achievements... you'll never see me walk down the aisle, and you'll never meet your great-grandbabies. You'd be so, so proud. I'd be honored to get your expert opinion on colors, fabrics, and flowers for my wedding. You were amazing at things like that. Most of all though, you loved Jonathan so much, too, and my heart is so happy that you approved of my soulmate. And as for our children, you would be so, so excited - just like you were over your three grandchildren, Heather, my sister, and myself. I can just imagine you now... holding them and singing little songs. You'd read them stories and teach them to sew and paint. When I wasn't looking, you'd sneak them little treats before dinnertime. You'd probably keep a "secret craft drawer" at your house for them just like you did for me. I grieve so badly all of the things that will never be.
I'm so glad we lived our time to the fullest though... I do have that to hold onto. I will never forget how much you loved when I'd take you on your errands after our "dates" at the Olive Garden. That was both of our favorite restaurant. And last summer was full of our "dates." We have so many amazing memories, and while I'm so thankful, I can't deny how bad I'm yearning for those days once more.
Just a few months ago, after I helped you pack up your things for your winter in Florida, I gave you a huge hug with tears in my eyes. We always hated those goodbyes, but I'm sure that's what made the hellos in the springtime even more exciting. I just never, ever thought this goodbye would the last before the ultimate goodbye. Never. I was sure I'd see you in the spring, and I was already dreaming of the new memories we would make.
I'm grateful that I have no regrets and we both openly knew the bond we shared. I look back on your life and see that it was truly a full life and also a life full of beauty. Whether I like it or not, God knows best, so I must rest in knowing that it was indeed your time to go. The only thing that upsets me though - other than missing you - is wishing I could have been there when you went. Nana, I would have held your hand for that entire week and not left your side. I know you knew that though, and I know you understand I had to stay up in Ohio. I know exactly what you would have said if you could, "Now don't you worry about your Nana, hon. You have your studies and your health." Then you would have said, "You give your sister a big hug and kiss from Nana, and give Jonathan my love," I can just hear you now, "Take good care of things for your mother, okay, darlin'?" I miss that voice....
I'm so thankful that I did get one last chance to talk to you before you went home, and I'm holding so tightly to that. It was a week ago today. I told you how much I loved you over and over, and then I said, "It's okay Nana, you can go home now. It's okay." I know you heard me, and I know you knew how much I adored you. That gives me peace. And now? I like to think you're in heaven looking down on me. If you were here, I know you'd tell me to stop crying. You'd tell me that your pain is gone and you're waiting for me with Jesus. And as always, you'd say, "Now don't you worry about your Nana, hon." You always said that.
Just like last Sunday when I talked to you for the very last time, I know you can hear me now too. Some may not believe it, but I do. You're probably a little busy right now though... You loved beauty more than anything, and you could spend more time admiring the tiniest details than anyone I've ever known, so I'm sure you're still taking in the wonders of Heaven. I think you might be enjoying it just a little more than most people - if that's possible - because heaven is exquisite, or so I've heard. I imagine you're taking the time to carefully examine every single beautiful flower, to just sit and lay by the gates of pearls. You're admiring the streets of gold, too, aren't you Nana? Your mansion has to be breathtaking, I'm sure. I can't wait to see it - I can just imagine how how excited you'll be to show it to anyone up there who will let you. You'll invite them in with love and act like they are the most honorable guests ever because remember, that's just how you are. You probably have Great Nana's Pound Cake in the oven too, right? With whipped cream and strawberries on the top. Or some elaborate pie. Something. Because you never let your guests leave hungry. See, I really was listening all those years, Nana!
You taught me so much, and all I can do is think of you right now. My heart is aching. I am so happy for you, don't get me wrong, but this is the biggest void I've ever had to deal with. Nothing can fill it because you were just so wonderful and such a huge part of who I am and who I loved. But I know you'll be watching over our family, Nana, just as you were so good at doing here on earth. Look down from above and let me feel you here. I'll keep on living like the girl you taught me to be, and I hope I always make you proud. Thank you for every second you spent with me, every single word you spoke that helped make me who I am. Thank you for loving everyone and everything. You left such a beautiful legacy of living to brighten others' days through your kindness, your words, your smile, even your art.
Your beauty will continue to radiate on and on.
XOXO
I love you Nana.
Amanda
{your "Mandy Mine"}
57 years ago today
or 20,818 days ago ...
even 1,798,744,776 seconds ago ...
{depending on how you look at it}
Two people made commitments to
forever
love, honor, and cherish each other.
Two people,
my grandparents,
began their lives as husband and wife.
They shared a beautiful love as they grew old together.
They shared such a precious gift that far too many never know.
Yet time has no mercy.
This anniversary, cruelly paired with fresh wounds of grief, is the first one they'll ever spend apart.
H + J est. March 1947
Believe what you will, but to me, forever is forever. It knows no space, time, or reason. It defies very logic itself. Perhaps separated by immeasurable miles, but cut apart, put to an end? Never. Forever means forever. Love lives on. This love lives on.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
{e.e.cummings}
Each day, it gets just a little harder to breathe knowing she's not here.
Psalm 46
God is our hope and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore will we not fear, though the earth be moved, and though the hills be carried into the midst of the sea.
Though the waters thereof rage and swell, and though the mountains shake at the tempest of the same.
There is a river, the streams whereof make glad the city of God, and the holy place of the tabernacle of the Most Highest.
God is in the midst of her, therefore shall she not be removed.
God shall help her, and that right early.
Be still then, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, and I will be exalted in the earth.
The Lord of hostss is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.
Rev 7.15b-17
And He who sits on the throne will spread His tabernacle over them. They will hunger no longer, nor thirst anymore; nor will the sun beat down on them, nor any heat; for the Lamb in the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and will guide them to springs of the water of life; and God will wipe every tear from their eyes.
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
To those who have inquired and to our out-of-town friends and family who may have missed it, you may view my Nana's obituary here. Here is a direct link to her guestbook, and if you want to take a second to say something, it would mean the world to all of us, especially my Poppop.
The obituary contains the funeral arrangement information. The calling hours and ceremony will be held at The Newcomer Funeral Home, located at 131 North Canton Road in Akron. (Map) I will not be posting a sympathy card address as I believe that is a compromise of my family's privacy and safety.
Thank you so much to everyone who has shown our family an outpouring of love during this painful time. Every word touches our heart, every hug gives us strength, and every prayer gives us the strength to go a few more steps. We are so grateful to all of you.
If you need further help with directions, here is information directly from the funeral home:
Newcomer Funeral Home, 131 N. Canton Rd., Akron OH 44305
We are located in the city of Akron in the neighborhood of Ellet. We are near Goodyear Heights. Our address on North Canton Rd. is 131 N. Canton Rd. At the end of our property begins Darrow Rd. Important note: N. Canton Road only runs from Mogadore Road to the end of our property. What is commonly known as Canton Road is south of Mogadore Road. Canton Rd./N. Canton Rd./Darrow Rd. is also Route 91. The building used to be the Tallmadge Buffet. We are just south of Duffy's Restaurant and the I.G.A. on the same side of the street. 2 blocks south of Newton St. We are almost to the corner of Gilchrist Rd. and N. Canton Rd. The funeral home sits on a hill across from Petit's Car Wash and next door to Akron Burial Vault. Northeast Furniture warehouse is diagonal to us. We're 2.6 miles north of Rt. 224 and approximately 2 miles south of the Tallmadge Circle. Two lights north of where E. Market St. and Canton Rd. intersect. Just north of "dead man's curve."
From the North Using I-77
Cleveland, Medina, Montrose, Fairlawn, Bath, West Akron, Copley, Richfield
Travel I-77 South to I-76 East toward Youngstown. Get off at Exit 27 - Gilchrist Rd./Canton Rd./Rt. 91. Turn left off of the exit ramp and go to the first light which is N. Canton Rd. Turn right and the funeral home is immediately on the right.
From the South Using I-77
Canton, Green, Massillon, New Philadelphia
Travel I-77 North to I-76 East toward Youngstown. Get off at Exit 27 - Gilchrist Rd./Canton Rd./Rt. 91. Turn left off of the exit ramp and go to the first light which is N. Canton Rd. Turn right and the funeral home is immediately on the right.
From the North Using Rt. 8
From Cuyahoga Falls, North Hill, Hudson, Stow, Twinsburg, Macedonia, Northfield, Boston Heights
Travel Rt. 8. South to I-76 East toward Youngstown. Get off at Exit 27 - Gilchrist Rd./Canton Rd./Rt. 91. Turn left off of the exit ramp and go to the first light which is N. Canton Rd. Turn right and the funeral home is immediately on the right.
From the East Using I-76
Brimfield, Kent, Suffield, Rootstown, Ravenna, Youngstown, Lake Milton, Newton Falls, Berlin Lake, Pennsylvania
Travel I-76 West toward Akron. Get off at Exit 27 - Gilchrist Rd./Canton Rd./Rt. 91. Turn right off of the exit ramp and go to the first light which is N. Canton Rd. Turn right and the funeral home is immediately on the right.
From the West Using Rt. 224 and I-76
Barberton, Norton, Wadsworth, Lodi, Seville, Orville, Dalton, Wooster
Travel I-76/224 East. Get off at Exit 27 - Gilchrist Rd./Canton Rd./Rt. 91. Turn left off of the exit ramp and go to the first light which is N. Canton Rd. Turn right and the funeral home is immediately on the right.
From other nearby communities not using expressways:
Springfield, Lakemore, Mogadore
Take Canton Rd. north toward Tallmadge. We're 2.6 miles north of 224. 1.5 miles north of Triplett Blvd. and Canton Rd. 1 mile north of Eastgate Plaza. Just north of where Gilchrist Road intersects 91.
Uniontown, Hartville, North Canton
Take Cleveland Ave. north toward Akron - it becomes Canton Rd. Stay on Canton Rd. after crossing 224. We're 2.6 miles north of 224. 1.5 miles north of Triplett Blvd. and Canton Rd. 1 mile north of Eastgate Plaza. Just north of where Gilchrist Road intersects 91.
Tallmadge, Stow, Hudson, Twinsburg
Take 91/Darrow Rd. south toward Akron. At the Tallmadge Circle, continue south on 91 for about 2 miles. The funeral home is on the left two blocks past Newton St.
Firestone Park, Portage Lakes, Kenmore
Take Wilbeth to Arlington Rd. Arlington Rd. to Triplett Blvd. Triplett Blvd. to Canton Rd. Left on Canton Rd. The funeral home will be on the right hand side in about 1.5 miles.
Canal Fulton, Manchester, Portage Lakes, Coventry
Take Manchester Rd./93 north to 224. Turn right onto 224 and take to Canton Rd. Turn left onto Canton Rd./91. Funeral home will be on the right in 2.6 miles.
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